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The Church of Queerstianity

The Church of Queerstianity

Churches have been coming out all over the place, lately. Coming out against LGBTQ people, that is. So, what else is new? A bunch of self-righteous bible-thumpers are pontificating about the evils of man-on-man buggery—and man-on-man marriage. Make up your minds! It’s bad enough that they pollute our ears and minds with their bitter effluence and clog up the airwaves and social media streams with their intolerable intolerance, but they get to pressure lawmakers to change the laws. I call foul! I thought the deal was you are a religion therefore you pay no taxes and stay out of politics and the law.

Countless LGBTQ people have been gnashing their nails and nerves over this blatant flouting of the rules and have been pushing back. Of course, we are now being labelled bullies for not bending to the will of the righteous and challenging them on their bigotry, homophobia and manipulation of the legal landscape to work in their favour. Again, I cry foul!

If it was good enough for Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and L. Ron Hubbard, it’s good enough for us.

postcards-from-barbary-lane-mrs-madrigalWe seem to be finding ourselves do si doing into a political and social corner. The more we cry foul, the more they cry victim, the more they use their pulpit to attack us and shame lawmakers in the United States and around the world. What if, instead of fighting back with logic and reason (two staples wasted on the ‘enlightened’), we play them at their own game? If it was good enough for Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and L. Ron Hubbard, it’s good enough for us.

 I give you The Church of Queerstianity.

The Church of Queerstianity is a multi-denominational—and also non-denominational—place to bask in the glory of Queerdom. It is free of judgment and celebrates all who bend a little to the left of tradition. There will be no pious clergy, no confessionals (unless in a Friday night dark room setting), and there will be no passing of the hat or tithing. Hell, you work hard for your money, better in your investments than in the pockets of a few power brokers with a God complex. We will take the revenue made available to us by donations as well as pot lucks, naked bingo nights, Tea Dances and naughty car washes. Of course, all revenues to The Church of Queerstianity will be tax exempt.

Our history will be told through the stories and parables of Anna Madrigal (both prodigal son and prodigal daughter).

Tales-Of-The-City-Marcus--001Most importantly, however, is our scripture. Culled from the volumes of Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin, our history will be told through the stories and parables of Anna Madrigal (both prodigal son and prodigal daughter). Hers is the story of the rebirth and renewal that comes from sheer and unfettered faith in one’s true self.

The holy land is found at the hallowed and queerly historical grounds of 28 Barbary Lane. This is where Anna Madrigal’s flock and apostles came to find solace, understanding, community and to explore their true sexual selves for decades and decades. Among the devoted are Madrigal’s daughter Mona Ramsey, a rebel and prodigal in her own right. Michael Tolliver, a wise-yet-naive man who traversed the deep south from Florida to the New World of San Francisco, Mary Ann Singleton whose pilgrimage took her from the narrow-mindedness of the mid-West to temptations of the Left Coast. Among the other followers and devotees of Madrigal are Brian, DeDe, Jon, D’orothea and a host of other acolytes who passed in and out of the doors of 28 Barbary Lane.

In the spirit of Anna Madrigal and her flock, embrace life and take no shit from no one.

Their stories are biblical in nature: unsure futures in uncertain times; the convulsions of a changing society situated on a tectonic plate; the social and sexual mores of a time when people prayed at the altar of disco. And, of course, a pestilence that spread across the land some saw as God’s wrath against these apostates. Yet, through the storms of ignorance, the wrath of disease, and the political, social and legal upheavals, these ever-faithful never lost sight of their true goal: love, understanding and sex.

The Ten Commandments of The Church of Queerstainity

In traditional Christianity, the word ‘not’ in prevalent. Queerstianity is predicated on the tenets of positive action. Therefore, thou shalt not find a not in the bunch.

Thou shalt worship the singer who belts out your anthem.
Thou shalt take selfies of thee and thy friends in joyous times.
Thou shalt say, “God dammit, that was fabulous’ without fear of retribution.
Thou shalt remember Queerstianity sabbath is any day you feel the need.
Thou shalt honour thy DJ and Drag Queen.
Thou shalt kill it on the dancefloor or runway.
Thou shalt commit adult acts of celebration however thy sees fit.
Thou shalt steal another’s look as long as thou gives credit where credit is due.
Thou shalt not gossip about thy neighbour—unless it’s really juicy but not harmful.
Thou shalt covet the House of Gaga and any other house where thou chooseth to vogue.

Now, go forth unto the world and spread the message of Queerstianity: love and compassion, understanding and fashion. Fierce and fabulous, power and consciousness. Tolerance and acceptance, self-worth and non-repentance. And remember, in the spirit of Anna Madrigal and her flock, embrace life and take shit from no one.

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AndyAndrew Vails writing career began in Halifax when he was but a child. In Grade 4, he wrote and produced his own series of comic books entitled “Freaky The Frog”, the on-going tale of a little misfit frog and his pals of the pond. Marvel Comics never came knocking but Andrew knew he loved to create and tell stories. Since then, Andrew has worked in advertising, PR and publicity; has interviewed politicians, rock stars and very interesting yet not-so-famous movers and shakers. He has published articles in a variety of local and national magazines and websites. Andrew is currently working on the project queer50.com.


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