When Flirting Goes Too Far
A healthy part of any single person’s diet is a good dose of flirtation. Flirting is a great icebreaker, a terrific way to have some fun with someone you have a hankering for, plus it does wonders for a fella’s ego. Flirting is a natural form of human sexual and social behaviour. What could possibly be wrong with that?
Recently, I had a couple of occasions where I found out just what could be possibly wrong. I was in a couple of situations where the flirtation went from fun to fucked up. It crossed a line of foreplay to a dark area that culminated in lusty pleas that were somewhat violent in nature.
“I keep picturing your big, sweet eyes looking at me like that
and I just want to hurt you.”
Now, to be clear, nothing physically violent ever happened. It was all in the language of the flirtation where things went off the tracks. I have had experiences with the guys in question and have a bit of familiarity with them. Maybe that’s where things went sideways. Maybe the familiarity ignited the verbal missteps. Here’s how things went down:
Guy Number One had been furiously flirting with me for the past month or two. We have had a few little dalliances that were fun and, well, satisfying. In the past week, I noticed he was getting a little bit more aggressive in his come-on’s but really didn’t think anything of it. I figured it was just his way of playing and took it as a compliment. Then things took a troubling turn.
The night in question, we were chatting a bit and he kept referencing our last get together and how he had been thinking about it for the past few days, blah, blah, blah. Again, it was fun and flirtatious. I thought nothing of it and smiled and went along for the ride. He then made a reference to my eyes and how I had looked at him the last time we were together and suddenly blurted out, “I keep picturing your big, sweet eyes looking at me like that and I just want to hurt you.”
Um. Yea. I immediately pulled away and looked him in the eye and said, “You want to hurt me?” He began to fumble his words and the flirting went to damage control. “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. I just, um, well, you know,” he said as he tried to recover the dropped ball. I looked at him with raised eyebrows and ‘the look’ which said: “Buddy, you ain’t laying a hand on me.” He extricated himself from my presence.
He opened my shirt, grabbed my nipples rather hard and said he wanted to,
“tear them off my chest.”
Now on to Guy Number Two. He and I have spent some quality adult time together. He is an aggressive personality by nature, but also quite bright and charming. This particular night we were going through our little pas de deux of flirtation and teasing when he opened my shirt, grabbed my nipples rather hard and said he wanted to, “tear them off my chest.” I’m no party-pooper, but I like my nips where they are. To be fair, we have a history of this type of play, but I felt this was a step over the line and shut him down.
Each situation left me feeling a little vulnerable and on edge. After all, how well do you really know someone when you have a surface relationship based on flirtation and occasional encounters. I’m not new to this game, but I have to say I have really never been spoken to like that before. They became a bit too familiar and the flirtation went a bit too far.
Guys, I’m all for the role-playing and naughty talk but I’ve got to say, take the temperature of the room. While I have a history with both of these guys and I like them, we had never ventured into the dark side of sexuality that was based in pain and violence fantasies. That’s not my thing. Or maybe it is; just don’t spring it on me like that. Flirt your way up to it. Haven’t you been reading the news lately?
photo credit: puuikibeach
, Andrew Vail
, when flirting goes too far