Ideas and imagination…unfettered.

I’m Keeping My Libido!

I’m Keeping My Libido!

I’ve been hearing from a few friends who have read my last blog entry, Where Did My Libido Go?. Most of them phone me because they may feel embarrassed to discuss it on the blog and they have no idea where to go or what to do to be given the courtesy, attention and thought that should be every mature woman’s right. Last week, I spoke of my epic journey trudging through gynecologists and clinics and ordinary doctors’ offices, asking the question, “Where’s the freakin’ SEX?”

Perhaps my request wasn’t that strident, but as I got older, I lost the apologetic, hat in hand attitude and became much firmer in my demands. Jeez, it’s as if most every doctor missed the course in medical school entitled “ The libido of middle aged and older women and what we can do to keep it healthy and vibrant, #101.” Maybe it was an early morning class and they all slept in or were having hot, delicious, sweaty sex because they have all the prerequisite hormones, and who gives a shit about a bunch of old broads?

The small amounts of testosterone I take were like a good dose of sexual ‘Drano’.

The answer? This bunch of Boomer chicks, straight and Lesbian/Bi who are coming up in droves aimed straight at the medical profession and really wanting answers about why men have pills and unguents, and all kinds of credibility but we seem to have nothing on the shelf to honour our bodies and relish this time of our lives.

Now I realize there is a basic difference in the processes between male sexual arousal and female arousal and how female arousal is connected more with the head but, if we go by my experience, the small amounts of testosterone I take were like a good dose of sexual ‘Drano’ that cleared out the obstruction and allowed a free flow of energy and zest to burst through and allowed me to not only feel the ta-ta tingle but broke through all the crap and guilt that had accumulated over the years in my emotional crap-sack.

I can only go by my experiences and tell you how it was for me. I grew up in a traditionally bizarre mid-20th-century family where sex wasn’t really dining room table conversation fodder. I “sensed” that sex was okay but only if I was married and to a man of course. Then, after I came out as a Lesbian, I got into a few relationships with women. None of them were very satisfying and I guess it didn’t help that I drank during that time period.

The ingredient that will help some of you avoid “Lesbian bed death” is to demand help from your doctor.

I stopped drinking during my last relationship, which was of a long duration and of course filled with even more guilt piled on top of all the old stuff. I blamed myself for the relationship’s demise and that, plus the medication I was on, just shot my libido all to hell. As I mentioned last week, I took time to get the head right and clean out my emotional drawer but something was missing. I was almost completely numb from my navel to my thighs.

When I go to Women’s dances, I notice women, some younger than I am, sitting in groups, looking grey and sad and despondent, but trying to appear as if they are having a good time. Sorry ladies, but you do give off these vibes and I get the feeling that the ingredient that will help some of you avoid “Lesbian bed death” is to demand help from your doctor. Demand to be heard and respected and if this doesn’t start happening, we’re going to have to stop being embarrassed about it and start some kind of movement to have our sexuality, or lack therein, taken seriously.

I mean come on now. We’re a large—and getting larger—market and we should be researched up the wazzoo until they find a great drug or drugs that are made specifically for our needs and us.

The “nature sourced” unguents that Susanne Summers espouses are okay I suppose for some women but they sure didn’t work for me. And I was frankly put off by the lackadaisical attitude of the only clinic I know of here in my city. A yearly fee, no blood tests, no exams, just a prescription to be filled at the compounding pharmacy downstairs.

Androgel, on the other hand, is a male testosterone supplement made for…wait for it…. men. Ta da, what else is new? But, it comes in a pump bottle and each pump-full is a specific amount and I’m at two pumps a day as of now. I know the Androgel site says ‘not for women’ but my doctors disagreed and I can’t tell you the change in how I feel.

I hope this blog and the last blog are both of some use to you. Please let me know how you feel about yourself and if my blog entries rang any bells in your life. It’s your body and you are the only one who can get the answers you so richly deserve.

photo credit: libby lynn


Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. thank you so much for this !! … i have been trying to get my Doctor to RX progesterone , even and she wouldnt even do a blood panel hormone test .Seems the medical profession is living in the dark ages on some topics. Can you share your drs name ? I am tired of being treated like this !! oh yeah… she was, however , so KINd to offer me a RX for ANTI DEPRESSANTS !!

    • Hi Carrie
      I’m so glad that these blog entries on Blindsided are useful to women. I can’t, because of confidentiality concerns, give you the name of my doctor but I can give you the name of the clinic I go to. It’s associated with Toronto east General Hospital and is the clinic across the street from the hospital, on the first floor. Either phone them or go in yourself and ask if there are any female doctors who are willing to discuss the subject of “Female Libido either peri-menopausal, menopausal or post- menopausal.

      I’m a tad concerned about a doctor who would suggest that you might do well on an antidepressant. Have you been going to her/him for long? He/she may know more about you than I can guess from your comment to me.

      I REALLY hope this helps. Just make sure you are as honest as possible with whichever doctor they recommend.

      I’ve been seeing my doctor for about 10 years and my question to her was asked with no hope that she knew any more than the specialists I had been seeing before.

      Thanks so much for your comment. Let me know how it went.

      Blessings and good luck!




  1. Unvailed: The 2012 Hot List | Unvailed - [...] When faced with a flagging libido, Freya Hansen didn’t pack up her orgasms and take up knitting, she went…
  2. Sex News! I love it! – Sex in Words - […] I’m Keeping My Libido! […]

Leave a Comment