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Where Did My Libido Go?

Where Did My Libido Go?

Where did my libido go? I’m sure I had it when I came in!

This is just an observation and solutions from my own experiences in healing and “getting back on the horse”. I had slowly healed and patched my mental, and emotional house and everything seemed in order to start dating and seeing who was out there for me, but something seemed not quite right or missing entirely.

As a result, I was having a difficult time seeing individual people for the crowds. I did a mental scan up and down my inside and my outside. The only thing that I could detect was that my boiler flame had gone out. That’s the area between the navel and the thighs. Sometimes called the tush, the vagina, the clitoris, the cunt.

Hmmmmm. Was this in any way connected with depression, or some unresolved residue from the break-up or was it something else? I was on, and still am, a small dose of a drug called Effexor, for anxiety. It is a class of drugs for the control of depression and anxiety and is basically a Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI). You feel better but don’t realize that your sexual libido has gone around the toilet bowl and down the crapper! I also knew that when I was younger, I could bounce back sexually, much faster so maybe it was age related as well?

I did a bit of research. Coupled with my anxiety medication, I found out that perimenopausal, menopausal, and postmenopausal women go through many changes as we mature. Perimenopause can occur as early as forty years of age but the average age for the start of menopause is 51. Menopause will also occur in women of any age if their ovaries have been surgically removed.

I wanted to feel totally alive and SEXUAL again.

For the average woman, menopause is described as occurring after a woman has had no menstrual cycles for 12 months. Hmmmmmm….Okay, that’s all well and good but WHAT ABOUT SEX?  With the shrinking and drying out of the vagina walls, and the libido having done a quick exit, how could I get it back? Was my song going to be, “Is that all there is?” or did I have a chance at redemption?

I made an appointment with my doctor and told her that I wanted to feel totally alive and SEXUAL again and I wasn’t leaving her office without some answers. She got up and told me to follow her and we went to visit the on-sight pharmacist for the entire clinic and the hospital across the street. They shared my file and had me take a blood test to have a baseline for my own testosterone levels.

The pharmacist wrote me a prescription for a topical drug called Androgel. It is synthetic testosterone and comes in a pump form and was actually created for men (what else is new?) but because each pump delivers a measured dosage, women can use it too, but the doses are smaller. I was prescribed one pump full rubbed onto the shoulders, once a day. Yes, ladies, we do have tiny amounts of testosterone in our bodies and it’s put there to boost the other hormones that we usually are told about and prescribed.

My self-pleasuring orgasms nearly took the roof off
and I could do two or three a night.

HOLY MACAROONS!!!! After about a week or so, everything changed inside my body and in my outlook on life. I was daydreaming about the most pleasurable things I could do with a live and willing woman. This was a vast, vast improvement over the last ten or so years of my life.

My self-pleasuring orgasms nearly took the roof off and I could do two or three a night. I also was wet down there for the first time in a long time and oh, what a wonderful smell it is! Glad you’re back, my old friend. And, I’ve discovered I’m an ejaculator. WHO KNEW?

Shit! Why hadn’t this been mentioned to me before? It’s not as if I hadn’t visited enough gynecologists asking for the same help, the same relief. One at a downtown hospital named for a saint, and another guy who prescribed “all natural” topical unguents mixed in his compound pharmacy on the first floor. The saint just shrugged and the other took me for a yearly fee of $500.00 and the all-natural crap could have been Noxzema for all the good it did me! One year was all I could take.

For all the wonderful women out there who haven’t felt very libidinous lately and who read this grab your doctor and then grab the pump and start living. Also, please pass this along to other women who you feel might be interested. We’ll call it the “Libidinous Lesbians Revolution.” Or it may be that we call it, for any straight women out there, “The Raunchy Libidos.”

One last thing before I close off. Remember that all drugs have some side effects and may not work the same for all women. Any drugs should never be taken without the guidance of a doctor.

There wasn’t much on-line that even mentioned low dose testosterone for women but I did find the that at least had some mention of it. You can have it back as you forge ahead and don’t stop until you find a doctor that is at least willing to try. And take pleasure in welcoming your life back. You deserve it.

photo credit: Dana Moos




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