Ideas and imagination…unfettered.

Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever

Please note: The following entry is intended for mature audiences only. Reader discretion is advised. All swear words in this entry have been changed to protect the faint of heart.

The incidents below are just some of the things I’ve noticed about myself, caused I firmly believe, from living alone for an extended period of time.

I never swear at humans, no matter how disgusting and rude they may be. But at home, alone, if I drop a utensil or a plate, I’ll say to the hapless object, “Oh F— You!” Or I might even say, “Oh just F— right off!” Another example is if I’m alone in my vehicle or my home, if my dog, Newton, sneezes, I’ll say aloud to him, “Bless you!” or “Gesundheit”

My cat, Ms. Duchy, is a Sphynx and for whatever reason, when she farts, or S—s, I always say, “Holy F— -a-doodle, Ms. Duchy! What crawled up you and died?” A gas mask is sometimes required for removal of this ‘hazmat’ whether airborne or a dirty bomb. Terrorists beware.

I have a tendency to curse at commercials on TV

I have two fish, Oscar and Felix and I talk to them. First thing in the morning, I’ll wish them “Good morning.” They’re always glad to see me but I delude myself into thinking that my salutation and presence are the reasons for all the wiggling and gaping of mouths, and not the food that always follows. SIGH!

I have a tendency to curse at commercials on TV. For example, the commercials for certain jewelry store in our fair city. The owner now appears in one of his commercials completely covered in silver paint. My mute button also gets a lot of wear and tear on most any commercials.

I view most dirty dishes as enemies. They must propagate after I go to bed at night because one day I notice all their progeny looking up at me from the sink. “Hey B—-, wash us, or we’ll spread out and come along the hallway and into your bedroom and wipe ourselves all over you some dark night!” Yeech!

My storage locker is another source of profanity. When trying to fit a box into a tight spot that you know it will fit into if only it will co-operate and work with you, will get a soft mutter of, “Move, you stupid crappy, A-hole box, I know you can fit in here.”

A few delicate and sweetly uttered swear words are appropriate and especially appropriate loudly, upon orgasm

So as not to deter any regular readers to my Blindsided blog, I am not crazy and am fully intact emotionally. I think that I’m really ready for a new lover. I swear not to use profanity on any lover who applies for the job, although I’m told that in the heat of “pash-i-on”, a few delicate and sweetly uttered swear words are appropriate and especially appropriate loudly, upon orgasm.

So, until next week and with feet firmly planted on the floor and not quite a song in my heart but a cheerful feeling, I wish you all a light heart and a good swear match at your household goods.

photo credit: jah~ out

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