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The Death of Dating

The Death of Dating

Being newly single has presented me with some great opportunities and some interesting challenges. The opportunities are being able to do what I want when I want; that can mean socializing, work, travel and so on. The challenges are with the dating world. More to the point: is there a dating world anymore? Is dating dead?

It has been years since I have been on a proper date. By proper I mean the classic dinner and a movie; or maybe a night out for drinks and watch a band. Anything that allows two people to go out together, share an experience, exchange ideas, get a sense of one another as people, discover if there is the ever-elusive “click” or even build sexual desire.

“It’s better to be looked over than overlooked” – Mae West

Since being back in the market, I get approached by married men who want a ‘discrete’ encounter with a man or guys who just want to hook up for sex. The latter I don’t have that much of a problem with—when the mood strikes. I mean, I’m not a fucking machine but there are times I just want to get down to business and release some sexual tension with someone I may or may not see again. No strings. No problem.

I can take some solace in being desirable to horny married guys and action-seeking men, after all, as Mae West used to say: “It’s better to be looked over than overlooked”. Still, I wonder what happened to the good, old-fashioned date? Hey, sometimes a guy wants to be wooed. Now, I’m getting all Cole Porter.

Many gay men…are using convenient sex to supplant a deeper sense of loneliness

Now, keep in mind I am a single gay man in the gay mix. I’m not entirely sure what the status of dating is for straight people. But, I’ve got to say, gay “dating” (read: not fucking first and then seeing if you like each other later), seems to be on its deathbed. I miss the romantic dinner or the dimly lit, cozy coffee joint or the glow of candles as music plays in the background and you sit across the table from one another sipping a nice glass of wine and flirting. I miss the romance. The wine has been sipped dry. The candle has been extinguished.

Who knows, maybe I’m too old for this; and the way we have created gay culture I may be longing for a time that no longer exists—or possibly never did. But to me there must be other guys out there who want more than just to hook up and beat it. And I’m pretty sure they exist. I have had more than a few conversations with many single gay men who—when you scratch a little beneath the surface—are using convenient sex to supplant a deeper sense of loneliness. We seem to know how to hook up easily. Sadly, we just don’t seem to know how to connect.

photo credit: The Ewan

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One Comment

  1. Well said. We are all guilty of it including me. I like to add we lost the art of communicating. We rather sit there on grinder and other Internet sex sites and communicate our desires rather then meet face to face. It’s almost like shadow boxing cause we are afraid to get hurt.

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